before.jpg
cartoon_pixeefoxbanner.jpg
why.jpg
pixee_transformation.jpg
1545939_10203614274390369_9085112477793738836_n.jpg
before.jpg

My story


Why?

"That is the question most people ask me. Most people will never understand, because they are not me. Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don't belong.

SCROLL DOWN

My story


Why?

"That is the question most people ask me. Most people will never understand, because they are not me. Growth is painful. Change is painful. But nothing is as painful as staying stuck somewhere you don't belong.

The story behind my transformation and my dreams.

Often people ask me, "what happened that made you go to this extreme"? The truth is  - nothing, really. I was just born with a creative  mind and a big confidence in myself. I always knew I could do exactly what I wanted in life. I just didn't know what that was.

I grew up with my mom, dad, and bigger sister in a small but beautiful town in Sweden. We didn't travel to foreign countries too much; instead my mom and dad made sure to surround us with other things: nature, pets, horses, boats, camping life, winter sports, vehicles of every kind, and a beautiful home. I can honestly say I have been fortunate to try more things than most people get to try growing up. Someone once said to me "you've tried everything, and you're good at everything you do, but there's nothing you stick to and become great at.". That was so true. I had not yet found what I wanted to build my life around. Or actually i had i just was not able to implement it because I did not know in what end to start.

Growing up I always felt a bit like the ugly duckling--not because I disliked my body, but because I didn't feel like I fit in with my surroundings. Since i was 4 years old i knewsome where in the back of my head i wanted to be a mix between  an artist, actor, model, dancer and comedian. I always loved being on stage and i love making people happy and laugh. You now may think I was the loud girl in school, but i was not, i was actually quite the opposite. Around other people i have always been shy and a bit withdrawn. How ever do not mistake my shyness for lack of confidences, I always knew i could go to the moon if i wanted to. But i did not interest me, nothing where i was suppose to have a teacher, judges or follow rules, have never interested me. There are followers and there are leaders.  Then there is the people who just walk were their inspiration takes them, and that have always been me. 

My small town i come from have never been big enough for me, my passion and creativity found no purpose here. I always knew i wanted to be somewhere else where my dreams could come true. The more i adapted to the life in my hometown the unhappier and more lost i got. The anxiety and frustration was building up over years and made me heavily depressed. I tried all different kinds of sports, projects and jobs but everything felt like killing time. To not feed the trolls all to much lets say lets say i learned that you are never as strong as when we are at our weakest point. When you feel like you have nothing to lose that when you fully embrace change. 

cartoon_pixeefoxbanner.jpg

work of art


"My body is my canvas and my life is the gallery where I display my art."

 

SCROLL DOWN

work of art


"My body is my canvas and my life is the gallery where I display my art."

 

 I became my own work of art

When i was younger i used to read, fantasize and draw a lot, I created my own little dream world in my head where i could design my own stories. When I was not busy painting dinosaurs, I was always painting fantasy girls, with tiny noses and curvy bodies, all my  paintings were very cartoonish and always with exaggerated proportions. On the picture above you can see one of my first fantasy-inspired drawings. Since i was 10 years old  i wanted a fairy nose my self, I wanted too project how i felt inside because what i saw in the mirror did not match it. I wanted to become my own version of me, my own work of art. But i was too scared to tell anyone. Embracing your creativity around people who do not understand it have not been easy.

 In 2009, a photographer named Frank Jansson stumbled upon me and we started to do artistic shoots and it was so much fun and it encouraged me so much. I wanted to create the same thing in my modeling photos as in my fantasy paintings. But again i did not see on the images the version of me as i saw in my head. Here is when I really started to look into body modification to give me that nose I had long been dreaming of. 

why.jpg

life choices


"My own change has made me less judgmental of other people's choices."

SCROLL DOWN

life choices


"My own change has made me less judgmental of other people's choices."

How my transformation journey started

I am really good at coming up with solutions to everyday problems. I started to study automation in school and later started to work as an electrician, smart-house programmer, and CAD drawer. I was the only girl in my class and the only girl in the baseball team I was playing with. That was was not always easy! Only doing male sports and hanging out with guys all the time made me a bit of a tomboy. I became one of the guys, even though blending in was never really what I wanted. 

By the end of 2013 I was working in an office as a CAD drawer for electrical systems , while on the side I was helping out with an American car import and repair business. Yes I was some what of a tomboy and dressed like one, but I was dreaming of looking like a fairy . By this time I had undergone a nose job, an upper eyelid surgery, a brow lift, a labiaplasty, two breast augmentations, and some other beauty treatments. I went out of my way to hide my surgeries from  family and friends,; I claimed I was going on vacation and then used the time there to recover. I did changes so small that no one would notice but of course did not give me the result I was looking for, so I started to look into having them redone.  This time I knew I would not be able to get away with hiding them so easily! Here was the big milestone in my life and the start of my real transformation.

pixee_transformation.jpg

First blog post


In my very first blog post, I wrote: 

"Is it possible to become a real life doll and what does it require to get there? Possible or not, where will the journey towards it take me?"

SCROLL DOWN

First blog post


In my very first blog post, I wrote: 

"Is it possible to become a real life doll and what does it require to get there? Possible or not, where will the journey towards it take me?"

Documenting my journey

Europe is a hard place to find surgeons willing to go for a more extreme look. It took me a year to find a doctor willing to try to give me the tiny nose of my dreams and put large cc implants in my breasts. Since I was so young, and since there was nothing wrong with my appearance, I got rejected by most doctors; that was also one of the reasons I went abroad for my first surgeries. 

I told my self that if the breast and nose surgeries were successful, I would go all the way in pursuing my dreams. Honestly I did not turn out really the way I wanted but for me it was a change for the better and it gave me the confidence to start my journey. For my own sake I started to document my journey in a blog. I wrote it in English so that my Swedish acquaintances could not find it too easily. To my surprise, I one day noticed in the statistics that I had thousands of people visiting my blog from all over the world.  Also a plastic surgery forum called TPB had opened up a thread about me to discuss my transformation. After that, I took the blog down, afraid it would spread to my town and family. But I stayed on the plastic surgery forum,  as it felt so nice being around transformation-positive people; at the time that was so new to me! 

 

Some time later how ever I started up my Instagram and some other social medias, this time to connect with other people who also were into body plastic surgery, health and fitness. It was not for attention as most people think. For me it was another step of coming out of the closet and being able to proudly show my passion and creativity. I started to see my life as I science project to see if my dream look was possible to achieve or where the journey towards it would take me. Growing up you have thousands of directions to go in life, now I had narrowed it down to one. Still I did not know the road ahead of me, the only compass I had was my transformation goals. Reaching my goal became my 100% focus, everything else became secondary, even relation ships, friends and family. Doing what I did came with a lot of sacrifices, it turned my life upside. I felt like I was letting everyone down, even thou I knew I was doing the right thing. Going through my change was hard for everyone, but it was the hardest for my self. Despite all the obstacles ahead of me I pushed forward because I knew I first needed to make my self happy before I could make anyone else. 

1545939_10203614274390369_9085112477793738836_n.jpg

transformation started


"You can’t make someone happy if you’re not happy yourself"

SCROLL DOWN

transformation started


"You can’t make someone happy if you’re not happy yourself"

Taking the next step and coming out of the closet

I quit my job as an electrician and spent the summer at home with my family, friends, and animals. It was a way for me to say good by to my old life so i could start my new.  I took the time for my loved because i knew what was coming. My animals got sick that summer one after an other and there was no other chose then putting them down. My love for them was the only thing tying me to my town and as they disappeared i started to prepare my self for moving to Stockholm, the capital to work in a variety of clubs so I could continue my transformation and find my way.  I did liposuction on my outer thighs, more permanent makeup, and lip fillers.

I am now just giving you the short story of everything happening around 2014-2015. It was "as it was meant to be", yet it was the toughest time of my life. I knew working in Stockholm was just a launch pad, and I knew I had to go much further to fulfill my vision. I felt like I was put to the test over and over, and the lessons I learned were necessary to prepare myself for the future.

In my work I got surrounded by like-minded colleagues, who accepted me for who i was. And by interact with guests learned how to take rejection. I found that no matter how I look, how i am or what i do some people will not just like me. I learned that we are all different and there for we all like different things. There is no personality or beauty standard that is the same for everybody. Just as there is no right and wrong, learning all this I learned to trust my gut and to have faith in my self. If things felt right then it is no matter what anyone tell me. 

Some media companies started to show interest in me and my transformation but still my family and friends did not know at the time that i was working in a club and about my goals, so I kept a low profile in the public media.