Documenting my journey
Europe is a hard place to find surgeons willing to go for a more extreme look. It took me a year to find a doctor willing to try to give me the tiny nose of my dreams and put large cc implants in my breasts. Since I was so young, and since there was nothing wrong with my appearance, I got rejected by most doctors; that was also one of the reasons I went abroad for my first surgeries.
I told my self that if the breast and nose surgeries were successful, I would go all the way in pursuing my dreams. Honestly I did not turn out really the way I wanted but for me it was a change for the better and it gave me the confidence to start my journey. For my own sake I started to document my journey in a blog. I wrote it in English so that my Swedish acquaintances could not find it too easily. To my surprise, I one day noticed in the statistics that I had thousands of people visiting my blog from all over the world. Also a plastic surgery forum called TPB had opened up a thread about me to discuss my transformation. After that, I took the blog down, afraid it would spread to my town and family. But I stayed on the plastic surgery forum, as it felt so nice being around transformation-positive people; at the time that was so new to me!
Some time later how ever I started up my Instagram and some other social medias, this time to connect with other people who also were into body plastic surgery, health and fitness. It was not for attention as most people think. For me it was another step of coming out of the closet and being able to proudly show my passion and creativity. I started to see my life as I science project to see if my dream look was possible to achieve or where the journey towards it would take me. Growing up you have thousands of directions to go in life, now I had narrowed it down to one. Still I did not know the road ahead of me, the only compass I had was my transformation goals. Reaching my goal became my 100% focus, everything else became secondary, even relation ships, friends and family. Doing what I did came with a lot of sacrifices, it turned my life upside. I felt like I was letting everyone down, even thou I knew I was doing the right thing. Going through my change was hard for everyone, but it was the hardest for my self. Despite all the obstacles ahead of me I pushed forward because I knew I first needed to make my self happy before I could make anyone else.